worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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