i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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