You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
