True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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