so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When are your genitals available?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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