Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
we should paint friendship bongs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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