wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
