i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize