remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
