Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
