You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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