the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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