you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
