someone owes me an orgasm
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
