As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
