I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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