The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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