How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
