how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
