i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
