I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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