The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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