My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
