Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
