Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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