my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
