Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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