the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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