i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
