you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
