I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
