you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize