You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
