i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
