Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
