either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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