So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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