We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
