you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
