It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
