people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
