i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
