my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
