Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
