There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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