I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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