ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
