True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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