His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
