I got chris browned last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
