I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
