I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
