Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
