I feel like abortions should bother me more
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
