I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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