so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
